Double Date From Hell
by The Mulberry
Summary: Cake's birthday. Marshall Lee in a tux. Copious amounts of wine. Alpha-male-complex-syndromes. Awkward encounters. Gumball's bitchy date. A pretty blue dress. Fancy-shmancy. Can ya dig?
1. Chapter 1

_"Pleaassseee!?"_

"No."

"PLEAAASE!"

"No."

_"_Marshall Lee! I'm _begging _you!"

"Let me think... No."

In extreme circumstance, in dire situations, anyone can be reduced to a lower life-form. That's what Fionna decided she'd effectively become as she clung to Marshall Lee's leg like a desperate animal.

It was Cake's birthday the next day, and the cat had planned an extravagant evening filled with "dancing and class" (Fionna gagged at the memory of the words). It was going to be at some fancy-pants restaurant that was so high-end, Cake said Lord Monochromicorn had to take out a bank loan to get in for only a few hours.

At first, Fionna had been excited for her sister. "It's gonna be so romantic!" She had squealed when Cake first told her, the two holding hands and bouncing up and down in one of Fionna's rare moments of girlish glee. She had stood and started to slow dance with an invisible partner. "You guys are gonna dance, and drink, and eat little pastries-"

"And you are comin'. Bring a date."

The fight that broke out between the sisters was one of such utter proportion and devastating consequence that they could be heard throughout the entire Land of Aaa. After much screaming, hitting, and throwing of various kitchen appliances, Cake had just kicked Fionna out of the tree house and told her to "Get a date, or get lost".

She was such a bitch sometimes.

"Fionna," Marshall Lee snapped, bringing the girl back to present. He started to look irritated, and tried prying her from his appendage. He kicked his leg back and forth, flew into the air, and even tried banging her against the wall. All to no avail. Fionna was not letting go.

"Ugh, Fionna!" He flopped down on the ground while she still held on to him, something which proved to be rather awkward. "Why is this so important? Can't you just tell them you're not going!?"

With a long, dramatic sigh, Fionna sat up and stared pleadingly at Marshall.

"But it's Cake's birthday tomorrow," She faked a sniffle. "And she will be _sooo_ mad at me if I don't show. She'll always use it against me, I lumping swear."

Running a frustrated hand through his jet black hair, Marshall grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "...someone who eats cats."

"What?"

"Nothing. Listen, Fionna, I know that this is important to you or whatever, but it's not really my thing. I mean, look at me." He gestured to himself, and flashed an award winning smile."I know I'm gorgeous, but I'm not exactly 'fancy-pants' material."

Fionna's eyes grew twice their normal size into giant, blue, glittering orbs that filled with fake tears.

"Fionna..." Marshall groaned in exasperation. "You know I hate it when you do that."

By some form of evil, her eyes grew even bigger, and even cuter. She crawled over to him with a quivering lip, and clasped her hands together.

"Why don't you take PG? Eh?" Marshall elbowed her with a knowing smirk. "C'mon, I think he fits the role a little better than I do."

"I don't want to bring Gumball, I wanna go with my bestie."

She sat there, like a lost little puppy. Inching ever closer to him, Fionna made more sniffly noises and even got a tear to roll down her cheek.

"Get away from me." Marshall mumbled.

Leaning over to him until their noses touched, Fionna waited patiently for her friend to admit that she had won.

Marshall Lee wasn't one to be manipulated, but when it came to Fionna sometimes his pride and armor melted away into a puddle that filled his heart-guts to the brim.

"Whatever."

"YAY!"

* * *

The next night came fast, and Fionna barely had time to find a dress and a pair of shoes for the occasion. Marshall Lee had said he'd meet her at the restaurant, on his word, and Fionna just prayed silently that this was one of the times that he followed through with it.

"Oh sugar, I could just eat you up!"

Cat and Fionna sat outside their tree house together waiting for Lord Monochromicorn to pick them up. Cake sported a diamond studded collar that LM had given to her for their two-month anniversary, and two pairs of dainty little cat shoes to match.

Fionna hated wearing dresses, she really did. They made her feel weak and vulnerable. Unlike her mini-skirt, which was made from dragons skin and designed specifically for battle, dresses were not fit for the lifestyle she lived. You couldn't kick or run properly, and they hindered her fighting abilities. Anything that couldn't help her beat up bad guys or save the day was deemed useless, and dresses fit perfectly into that category.

She wore one anyways, though, and to make matters worse she couldn't wear her bunny-hat for comfort ("If you where that dirty old rabbit hat I swear to glob Fionna I will eat it, poop it out, set it on fire and then throw the rest of it into the ocean..."). At least the dress was blue, her favorite color, and it had spaghetti straps so it kept reminding her of pasta (a small comfort). It had a nice soft neckline that ended just a little above her lady area, and the fabric it was made out of was pretty soft so she wasn't _too_ uncomfortable.

The dress wasn't really why Fionna had a problem with her appearance. It was her hair. Cat had "french-braided" it down her back where it ended at her waist. It was honestly the most ridiculous thing Fionna ever had done to it.

_I mean really_ she thought stubbornly as she twirled a piece of loose hair, _If I run at all, my hair will just completely fly all over the place!_

Cake thought she looked appropriate for the evening, though, and that's all that really mattered. It was her birthday after all. Fionna could get through one night of looking like an idiot for her sister.

After what seemed to be a lifetime of waiting, LM finally showed up to get the two girls and whisked them off into the night. The restaurant, named _Fantaisie,_ wasn't that long from their house, and the ride over only took about twenty minutes. It was a pretty fancy place, tall with high-arched windows, stone walls, and leafy vines that worked their way along the structure. The waiters were a very proper type of mutant dog, and stood straight with very elegant posture, formal greetings, and smug attitudes. Fionna was intimidated by the crowed that stood outside the building. Aristocrats of every species were eating out that evening, and it seemed that most of them had decided to go to _Fantaisie._

Outside the restaurant, waiting for them, was none other than The Vampire King himself.

Fionna had asked Marshall to dress up. Pleaded, in fact. She had probably reminded him at least thiry times before she left his house the day earlier. But just because she had asked him, didn't mean that she actually thought he'd follow through.

Well, he did.

The fact that he showed up in the first place was a miracle in itself. He wore what looked to be a brand new tuxedo, black, shiney shoes, and a red tie that matched his eyes. Instead of floating as per usual, Marshall Lee stood straight with his hands behind his back, waiting expectantly for the rest of his party. The only thing that resembled any part of his regular attire was his tousled hair.

He looked incredibly amused.

Fionna couldn't help noticing how handsome he looked as she approached him. "Dude," She said quietly, in an effort to camouflage her thoughts and keep her cool. She punched him on the shoulder lightly. "I never thought I'd see you wear something so... _formal!_"

Marshall smirked. Instead of a witty, sarcastic comment on the fact she was wearing a dress and was without her bunny hat (as Fionna had expected), he bowed to the young girl with an elegance that Fionna didn't think possible and held out his hand. Her back stiffened- what was he doing?

"You look lovely, Fionna."

For a split second she was positively mortified; What. Was. He. Doing.

Marshall would have never offered to escort Fionna, let alone call her _lovely._ He was doing this on purpose, Fionna was convinced. He was trying to freak her out! She felt her face burn with embarrassment, and something else... a feeling she couldn't quite put her finger on.

The vampire had finally found her _true_ weakness; romanticism.

Luckily, Cake was there to save the day. She shoved Fionna towards Marshall's direction (in the most lady-like way possible)and gave him one of her best smiles. "Marshall, honey you look adorable! Fionna; _take his hand!"_

Cautiously, Fionna grasped the stranger's outstretched hand. It was cool and rough. She tried squeezing it as hard as she could to get him to break character, but it simply could not be done; Marshall Lee was quite the actor. Instead, he swung her close to him and looped his arm through hers. Out of the corner of his eye, he gave her a devilish wink.

It didn't take long for them to be seated. One of the waiters approached them, recognized LM and began to lead them to the veranda. Lord Monochromicorn wouldn't be able to fit in the restaurant, so they had to eat outside.

Fionna noticed as they made they way along the crowded walkway outside of _Fantaise, _women of all different species, shapes, and sizes gave Marshall lingering glances and flirtatious smiles. Apparently they recognized him as royalty (A floppin' king! Sometimes Fionna forgot), and in a fancy-shmancy place such as that it wasn't hard to imagine the types of aristocrats and royalty that would be mingling there that evening. It set a horrible knot in Fionna's stomach.

When they finally reached the table, Marshall pulled out Fionna's chair in a sickeningly sweet fashion. LM, taking Marshall's example, tried to do the same for Cake, but because he had hooves this turned out to be impossible and the cat had to pull it out for herself anyway.

Fionna hesitated before she sat down. Her seat was right next to the ledge, only a short wall separating her from sweet freedom, and she considered jumping over the side and making her escape. She could get out of this now, before she had to barf and act girly and stuff, and she could take the heat from Cake later. It was only a fleeting thought, however, because Fionna knew she could never abandon her sister like that. So, with a final huff Fionna plopped down in her chair and began to devour the fancy bread and butter set out as an appetizer.

When she thought it couldn't get any worse, a lighthearted voice called her name from the next table over and caused Fionna's guts to clench up and do a little dance in her tummy.

"Fionna? What a pleasant surprise!"

She didn't want to look, but she knew it'd be rude not to. One of the straps of her dress had shifted down her shoulder and a strand of her flippin hair had fallen out of place and she felt extremely self conscious. With an effort that resembled one dragging nails across a chalk board, Fionna slowly lifted up her head to force a toothy smile at one of her close friends.

"Hey, Gumball." She said through clenched teeth. A beautiful princess was sitting across from him and was casting Fionna a glare. He was on a date.

Marshall chose that moment to plop down next to Fionna, drape a possessive arm around her, and plant a light kiss on her cheek. He made sure that the bewildered prince was watching.

"Hey PG." He said smoothly, nodding in the direction of the pink prince. He dropped the formal act now that he had a much more entertaining way of torturing Fionna. Slouching in his chair, he waved a waiter over to the table and pointed to a very expensive wine on the menu. "We'll start out with two bottles of this, please and thanks."

Cake loved drama, and ate up every second of the scene that was playing out before her. "Make that three bottles!" She whispered excitedly to Marshall Lee. Fionna blanched.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

I plan on a second chapter but reviews certainly help! ;) btw i dont own anything whateva bye


	2. Chapter 2

The table was cramped. A small, rectangular slab of marble that squished two seats together on both sides. When she first caught a glimpse of it, Fionna recognized right away that her seat was going to be very close to her date's. It's not that she felt uncomfortable being near Marshall Lee. They wrestled, fought side by side, chilled out, and basically just touched each other in a "what's up", "hey dude", "you're my _**bud**_" type of way on a regular basis. In fact, on more than one occasion she'd fallen asleep on her couch with him, and once she even slept in his bed. Fionna was completely comfortable with the idea of sitting close to Marshall.

Despite all this, a warm blush burned through her face and down the back of her neck as her "bud's" leg sat flush against the bare skin of her own and he draped himself over her like a blanket.

"Marshall!" She hissed, trying her best not to have a complete freak out in the middle of the restaurant. "This place is too fancy for this kinda barf!" She attempted to shrug him off, but if anything it only encouraged him further. He tightened the grip of his arm over her shoulders and the annoying smirk on his face grew even larger.

Gumball did not look pleased. He stuck his nose in the air (something he did when he felt upset) and turned his complete attention to his date. Fionna recognized her as Rain Princess, a dainty, blue tinged girl with long, flowing hair down to her knees and a dress that seemed to be made from some type of magic water. You couldn't see through it, of course. That wouldn't be very princess-like. Fionna recalled her name to be "Drizzle", and also remembered that she was a total bee-yotch. The worst part was that their tables were so close together, they might as well have been on a triple date.

That's what it turned into.

"Your Highness," Marshall addressed Gumball. The pink prince forced his gaze toward the man who was practically on top of Fionna, and did his best not to show the disgust he was feeling.

"Hello, Marshall Lee..."

"Fancy meeting you here," Marshall gestured around the room. He nodded toward Rain Princess. "Who's the lovely lady?" He asked flippantly, giving her a suggestive wink. Drizzle blanched and shot Gumball a look that meant, _"Are you going to take care of this?"_

Although Gumball was a diplomatic politician, and could usually handle himself pretty well in sticky situations, he had absolutely no idea what to do about the disaster that was unfolding before him. Fionna could tell he was panicking, and felt awful that they were ruining his night.

When Marshall Lee received no response from either of the two dumb-struck royalties, he just shrugged and started to play with Fionna's braid.

Fionna shot Cake a pleading glance, but the cat didn't seem to notice her sister's predicament. She was goggling and drooling over LM like he was some exotic dish of catnip.

It was at that moment that the waiter brought over their wine. Fionna had drank a couple of times before (with pressure from Marshall Lee, of course), but she'd never had much alcohol in one sitting and had never drank anything as strong as the stuff they put in front of her. The smell hit her like a brick in the looked a bit too excited as they poured her a glass.

Marshall was the first to raise his wine (red wine, of course). "A toast," He announced, with a sly smile. Everyone followed suit and raised their own drinks. Fionna was a little surprised (and a little suspicious) that Marshall Lee had taken the initiative, but raised her glass anyway. The vampire continued. "To Cake, friends, alcohol... and spaghetti straps." He winked down at Fionna, who did her best not to dump the contents of her glass on his stupid head. They all downed a mouthful, and Fionna came out sputtering and coughing on hers.

"The second sip goes down easier." Marshall whispered hotly in her ear. She elbowed him in the ribs.

"Quiet, you." She huffed. Because she felt that she now needed to prove herself, Fionna tightened her grip on the wine glass, brought it to her lips, held her breath, and downed the entire drink in one large gulp. It sent a pleasantly warm, fuzzy feeling throughout her throat and tummy, and she decided that she really enjoyed drinking. Cake hooted and hollered in delight (quietly, though, it _was_ a fancy restaurant), and LM gave a soft neigh of approval. The vampire had to stifle a bought of laughter as Gumball gave Fionna one of the most horrified and bewildered stares he'd ever seen in his life.

"Fionna!" He snapped, gaining the attention of the tables closest to them. "Are you drinking!?"

Marshall wasn't sure who looked more surprised _his_ date, or Gumbwad's. Fionna actually gave a quick, little flinch of fright in her seat from the sudden outburst and stared dumbstruck at the furious prince. She was embarrassed and had absolutely no idea what to say. Rain Princess, on the other hand, shot Gumball a look of death, and droplets of water began to drip from her to the marble floor below.

"What is the matter with you!?" She hissed at him in a high pitched voice. Jealousy was etched across her every liquid feature.

Gumball looked taken aback. He leaned into his seat, shot Marshall Lee an incredulous glare, and regained his composure.

"Pardon me," He apologized, gently taking Rain Princess' hand and giving it a light kiss. His face and hand were both left a little moist from the gesture, and it was obvious he felt too awkward to do anything about it. He grabbed a menu and buried his face in it. "Now, where were we...?"

Marshall Lee could barely hold it in.

The waiter scurried over a few minutes later and Cake and LM had ordered dinner for the entire group. Also, as a couple, they single-handedly finished off one of the three bottle of wine. When Cake was intoxicated she became very loud and very obnoxious. She was trying her best to keep her cool and act sophisticated, but the wine was getting to her, and it was becoming increasingly more difficult not to giggle or talk loudly. LM seemed a little drowsy, and his neighs became slurred.

They weren't the only two who had fallen under the spell of the expensive wine. Fionna's thoughts started to become mushy goo piles and her cheeks were warm and pink. She kept sneaking little glances over to Marshall Lee (who definitely noticed), and a goofy, girlish smile had managed to spread across her lips. She started to pour herself another glass.

"Here," Marshall snickered after a few minutes of watching the girl struggle. Using the arm wrapped around her, he leaned closer to Fionna and guided her unstable hand. Marshall Lee had never seen Fionna drunk, and if he was honest to himself he was really curious and excited to see how she'd behave. The young adventuress glanced up at her friend with glazed, baby blue eyes, murmured some incoherent form of gratitude, and then just stared blankly at the glass. The skin on most of her visible torso was somehow blushing, and Marshall noted that her body temperature suddenly increased by at least two full degrees.

One table over, Gumball was trying his best to entertain his arranged date. He knew that nothing would come out of the night, but he did want to make the best of it, even if he felt he'd already spoiled the evening with his outburst.

"So, Drizzle-"

"Rain Princess." The watery girl interrupted. "Please, call me Rain Princess for now."

"Oh- Pardon me. Rain Princess, then." Gumball was able to keep a tight-lipped smile plastered on his face. "What do you most enjoy?"

Rain Princess gave him an exasperated stare and rolled her eyes. "What kind of stupid question is that? I'm made of fricken rain! I don't _enjoy_ anything!"

Gumball just smiled. "How nice."

The waiter brought out a basket full of hot, steamy bread as an appetizer, and he just barely got out of the way before Fionna and Cake lunged at the sight of food and began stuffing their mouths. Marshall spared a quick glance over to Gumball as the young adventuress began to drink her second glass, slower this time, and noticed the tense expression on the prince's face.

"So Cake," Fionna said suddenly, amid the gulping of wine and bread at the table. "Whaddya wanna do after dinner? Movie? Race? Fire? Start a fire? Do you want to start a fire with me?"

Cake laughed at her sister and then gave LM a playful shove. "Oh honey," Her short arm stretched across the table and squeezed Fionna's cheek, causing a few crumbs of bread to fall from her mouth. "I'm gonna go with LM after dinner. We havin' a special night. Just us."

At that moment the waiter brought over their dinner. Cake had specially ordered Marshall Lee a plate full of the restaurant's best red cuisine (with an apprehensive look from the waiter upon recognition of The Vampire King), but for herself, Fionna, and LM, she had ordered three plates of buttery, expensive spaghetti that steamed with utter perfection. Fionna's mouth watered with the pressure of a fire hose at the decadent smell, but she still couldn't push the feeling from her intoxicated mind that something had been strongly implied in her short conversation with Cake.

_'But, hey,'_ She thought to herself excitedly. '_Spaghetti so whatevs.' _

Fionna then face planted into the noodles and began inhaling her dinner.

Marshall threw his head back and laughed.

**A bit of a shorter chapter. review!**


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry it took so long! Enjoy!

* * *

Marshall Lee reluctantly slid his arm from around Fionna's shoulders when they all started eating, but he didn't miss the opportunity to rub the intimate contact with the girl into Prince Gumwad's face. He cast him an evil smirk.

Prince Gumball considered himself a patient man. Since his early childhood, he'd been forced to attend countless political meetings and gatherings, where he'd sit at full attention, listening to something he did not care about for sometimes hours on end. He was also raised in a very formal and educated environment, which required him to respect and pay attention to his elders and those in charge of him. Everyday he had to deal with the "evil" antics of the villains that inhabited his land, and quite simply fix many of the problems that arose from the stupidity of the candy people. Patience was a part of him, and he usually didn't have to try to be patient with other beings. Even his date, Rain Princess, did nothing more than ruffle a few of his princely feathers with her rude behavior and comments.

Despite all this, PG couldn't help darting quick glances in Fionna's direction as she sat next to the vampire, sitting in a restaurant, sitting in on a date, sitting in a pretty blue dress with her hair pulled back in a pretty braid. Sitting close enough to talk to him, but choosing not to. He was very uncomfortable and antsy, and he felt an uneasiness creep over him as Marshall Lee flirted with Fionna and poured her another glass of alcohol. His foot tapped. He kept fidgeting in his seat. He wanted to get out of there. He needed to. Just for a few seconds. He felt uncomfortable and awkward and... and...

Impatient.

"Gumball!" The prince's head snapped up to the girl who'd called his name. Fionna waved at him with ridiculous enthusiasm and fervor, her arm flapping and flailing back and forth like a wet noodle.

"How's your food?" She asked, pointing a wild arm at his glass of water. He resisted the urge to face palm. Marshall Lee laughed pretty loudly (_The rudeness of that guy!_ Gumball thought to himself, _Oh how I would very much like to give him the old 'one-two!', right in the face!)_, and gave Gumball a sarcastic thumbs up.

Fionna didn't wait for an answer though, and returned to her spaghetti with unbridled excitement. She didn't notice the tension pulling the atmosphere apart around her, and she chose not to notice the glances and attempts that Cake was trying to make to get her attention from across the table. Finally, after a few peaceful, satisfying minutes of eating her spaghetti, Fionna politely set her fork down, wiped her mouth with a napkin and looked at her sister. She was really getting into this "fine dining" thing.

"Can I help you?"

Cake nodded her head vigorously and stretched her neck across the table so she could whisper into Fionna's ear. "Over there," She pointed to Rain Princess. "Look at what that bitch is doing!"

In her buzzed state, the first thought that passed through Fionna's mind as she bluntly turned her gaze towards Drizzle was , _'She's really not that pretty. I bet it would be, like, hard to kiss her, too. I definitely look better than her right now. I look awesome.'_ After a few moments of this, she finally noticed the surprising amounts of liquid that was falling from Rain Princess' body to the tile floor. It was everywhere. A puddle had begun to form, and it was spreading to the other tables around them. Gumball had noticed but did not quite know how to bring it up to his date. He almost felt bad for the girl.

The entire group, and soon entire veranda, began to notice Drizzle and the copious amounts of water pouring from her body. Prince Gumball looked as if he were about to pass out, and Cake tried her best to keep her composure by stuffing food into her mouth. LM actually bent his head over and began lapping up some of the water from the floor. Upon seeing this, Fionna and Marshall Lee both broke into uncontrollable laughter that attracted the attention of everyone within ear-shot. Fionna made fruitless attempts to stifle their laughter by placing a hand over her and the vampire's mouths.

The water began to pour faster from Rain Princess.

"Umm..." Gumball stretched the collar on his neck nervously. "Drizzle?"

"It's Rain Princess."

"Pardon me- Rain Princess... Ahh... Don't mind my asking but..." He gestured to the wet floor. "Are you alright?"

A waiter suddenly shot from the door leading to inside and made a quick rush over to Gumball and Drizzle's table. He looked absolutely furious.

Doggy nose stuck high in the air, the pompous waiter pointed to the waterfall that was pouring from Drizzle. "Excuse me, Prince Gumball, but you and your date are going to have to excuse yourselves from this establishment if you cannot get that _leak _under control."

The look that crossed Drizzle's face was full of such loathing and despair that the dog-human-hybrid actually took a step back.

"...What did you say?" She hissed, her voice full of warning. Marshall Lee and Fionna glanced at each other excitedly, ready for the show.

A little taken aback, the waiter straightened his posture and reaffirmed his place as the one in charge. Gumball made an attempt to warn the waiter, but was silenced with a finely manicured paw.

"I _said,_ young lady, that if you cannot _plug the leak_ that is coming from _your body, _you will have to_-"_ He never got to finish his sentence, because Rain Princess exploded.

A monsoon of water erupted from where she once sat, and the entire veranda became soaked in an explosion of liquid that covered everything in sight. The creatures that were eating all screamed and ran around in a panic as they tried to escape into the restaurant, but another waiter on the inside barricaded the door so they couldn't get in. He held up a sign that read _Closed_ in very fancy, cursive writing.

LM was able to shield Cake from the water by curling himself around her, and most of the water slid right off of his smooth, stretchy body. Marshall Lee and Fionna, however, were absolutely soaked to the bone, and both sat there staring at Gumball in complete shock. The prince had taken the worst of the explosion. His seat was actually thrown back from the impact of the water, and he lay in a defeated heap on the floor.

The waiter, beyond words, glared at Gumball pointed to the door in a violent gesture. "Get. Out."

Marshall Lee and Fionna both dissolved into more fits of laughter.

The dog's head snapped up to them and he strode over to their table. "You think it's funny!? You two can leave as well!"

Fionna doubled-over in her hysterics, and she rolled onto Marshall Lee in the next seat over and silently pleaded with him to help her stop. She felt bad because she knew PG was in distress, and was also aware of the fact that her hair and dress had been ruined for the night, but the situation was ridiculously funny. A hiccup escaped her mouth as a tear rolled down her face. The vampire was in no better form, and pointed a long finger at the waiter as he shook with his own silent laughter.

The waiter fumed silently. His hand shook with the effort to keep it pointed at the door.

"Umm..." Cake removed herself from LM and stretched over to the waiter, fluttering her eyelashes at him. "Please, uh, sir, we were just laughin'. We didn't even come with that guy! _And,_ it's my birthday! We'll be good, I-"

"ENOUGH!" The dog-human-waiter-hybrid thingy barked. He howled like a wolf baying at the moon and threw a chair next to him over the balcony. "All five of you!" He snarled, foam and saliva dripping from his mouth as he landed on all fours. His tail pointed straight in the air and he was growling ferociously. "GET OUT NOW!"

The group was caught off guard by this sudden burst of anger. The smiles were wiped from their faces. Cake, frightened, skittered over to LM and buried herself in his mane. The laughter and giggles ceased, and Fionna climbed from Marshall Lee to go help PG off the floor. A little start of surprise reeled in her gut when she realized that the water that had coated everyone was slowly peeling off of them and slipping towards the middle of the room. It seemed that Rain Princess was reforming herself.

Marshall Lee was the only one out of the group that didn't seem bothered. A small smile was painted on his face as he watched Fionna and everyone else handle the situation.

"Did you hear me? I said you all need to get out, now!"

Fionna hauled her friend to his feet and glared at the creature. "Just give us a second!" She tried her best to straighten up PG's suit for him and quickly combed her hand through his damp hair. "You okay, dude?"

Gumball gave her a meek smile, trying his best not to cry. "Things could have gone worse, I suppose..."

"Well..." Marshall Lee said from behind them. They both turned in time to see the other diners that had been drenched in Rain Princess' fury forming into a wealthy, angry mob. Some of them had their fangs bared or their claws protracted, while others had expensive looking swords unsheathed or strange-looking guns cocked. The males and females that Fionna had only a short while ago thought beautiful, charismatic and high-class had suddenly reverted to their animal instincts and lost all their charm. LM and Cake backed up to join the rest of the group and the five of them huddled together, the mob closing in on them.

"You ruined our evening!" A tiger wearing a fine suit growled.

"This was our anniversary!" A candy couple shouted.

"My hair looks awful!"

"Do you know how much it costs to get in here!?"

The dog waiter, still on all fours, a hungry look on his face, seemed very pleased.

As the shouts and angry voices grew louder and louder, the water that had gathered in the center of the room began to take shape and finally morphed into Drizzle with a loud popping noise. The veranda went silent as all eyes turned to her.

Rain Princess stabbed a watery finger in the direction of the five unfortunate friends, steam rolling off her body. "They made me _explode! _KILL THEM!"

"TEAR THEM APART!"

"KILL THE SAVAGES!"

"THOSE WITHOUT MANNERS MUST DIE!"

Screams for their blood went up like a war cry and suddenly the angry mob was charging at them, weapons and lethal body parts at the ready.

Marshall Lee glanced at Gumball. "Things just got worse."

* * *

Review!


	4. Chapter 4

Fionna found herself unable to move as terror seized her body. The alcohol dimmed her wits and she couldn't even find it in herself to get in her battle stance. Cake was in no better condition, and immediately began screaming in terror as the angry mob came flying towards them like an unorganized, demented army of sorts. LM let out a wail and curled up around Cake like an oversized snake, which did wonders to the pitch of her scream.

"I think I forgot to say 'happy birthday', Cake." Luckily, Marshall Lee could not get drunk very easily, and was able to react in time to defend his group of friends. Years of battle and hand-to-hand combat had taught him how to quickly assess any situation and size up his opponents. He knew that he couldn't change into his bat form on the veranda because it would knock out the ceiling above them, and possibly bring the rest of the building down. He also knew that a direct attack on the mob would put himself in no danger, but he had to mind the security of the impaired members of his group.

He honestly didn't give a damn if LM or Cake were clawed to death with candy canes or tree-limbs or whatever, and if Gumwad was killed that would be a good thing. But he feared for Fionna's safety. He had given her quite a bit of wine, he reminded himself with annoyance.

These thoughts all passed through his undead brain within milliseconds, and as quickly as the dinner guests had turned to bloodthirsty savages, he reacted to their attack and made a quick, impulsive decision. He grabbed LM by the mane, who was still wrapped tightly around a squealing Cake, and with a jerk of his arm hurled him and the cat off the side of the veranda. Without missing a beat he grabbed PG by the back of his pants and flung him off the side as well.

Fionna stared at him in drunken shock.

He glanced at her and shrugged lightly. "They'll bounce."

The mob was only a few feet away from them at this point. A mountain imp was at the front of the pack and had its teeth bared, eyes fixated on the vampires' throat. Marshall didn't hesitate to sweep Fionna bridal-style into his arms and jump off the side of the balcony himself.

He'd never heard her scream so loudly as they began plummeting towards the earth. She must have forgotten that he could fly. He stopped their decent and began floating casually higher into the air, very relaxed and casual for the near battle they experienced.

Slowly, Fionna's screams receded and she loosened her grip on the vampire, a sick look upon her green tinted face. Her breath was ragged. "Wha...Where did everyone go?" The world was spinning around her.

Marshall shrugged casually. "No idea."

Although it was night, the land of Aaa was lit up around them in shadows and fragments from an enchanting super-moon that hung in the sky. Marshall had flown pretty high into the air, and from this height Fionna could see for miles and miles around. The Candy Kingdom wasn't that far off in the east, and surrounding the gum and taffy buildings she could see a pinkish glow emanating from the city like a sugary halo. To the south, past the Dark Forest with its twisted black trees and spooky, dangerous wildlife, Fionna could see the shimmery glint of the ocean playing upon the light of the moon. It sent a shiver down her spine.

To the west of them, a great plain spread out, with dots of houses and life that shone like little beacons in the sea of waving grass and speckles of trees that blemished the land. Fionna could almost make out where her home would be, but the booze and the mask that night put over the landscape inhibited her ability to find its exact location.

"Marshall!" Fionna hissed. She grabbed his shirt and began shaking him. "Turn around! I can't see _behind_ me!"

Marshall, his eyes closed lazily, smirked but ignored her all the same. She was so funny drunk. And cute.

_"Please!_ I want to see the _mountains!_"

With a dramatic sigh, the vampire turned slowly in the air until the both of them were facing the south. Fionna gasped, and he could hear her heart speed up.

The snowy mountains, miles and miles away in the north, glowed as they drank in the light of the moon and exhaled it into the land of Aaa. Fionna could make out the trail that the range left on the horizon perfectly, and she reached out both her arms and spread them wide, trying to embrace the mountains with all her being.

Marshall stared at her. She was making him feel funny. "What are you doing?" His voice only held a minute ounce of sarcasm.

Fionna gazed at him in wonder. "Everything just looks so pretty." She breathed, leaning close to him. A little jolt of surprise went through Marshall as Fionna laid her head on his chest. Her eyes closed. "I wish everything could be like this all the time."

After a slight hesitation, the vampire coughed out a chuckle. "You're drunk, Fi."

"But I mean it." She replied immediately.

"HEY! WHAT IN GLOBS NAME ARE YOU TWO DOIN'!?"

At a speed of probably around forty miles per hour, Cake, PG and LM smashed into Marshall Lee and Fionna with the force of five troll-giants. Something cracked in the vampire's side, and Fionna was knocked right out of his lap, spiraling into empty air. She didn't have any time to scream before PG snatched her arm and swung her onto the rainicorn right in front of him. If he hadn't been straddling LM, the young adventuress would have been sitting right in his lap.

"What the _flop_ was _that_ about!?" Marshall screamed when he regained his composure. A few of his ribs must have broke, because he was clutching his side. Two red-hot eyes burned in his skull. He flew up to Cake and screamed right in her face. "_What_ is your _deal!?_ I should _kill_ you right now!" Then he pointed a finger a PG. "How could you _let_ that happen, Gumwad!?" PG turned an extra, very much deeper shade of pink than the standard.

Cake puffed up like a blowfish and literally grew three times her size. "I wasn't the one tryin' uh' _sex_ up _my_ little girl! What yo' doin' up here all alone, floatin' around and such? She aint gonna-

Their argument was cut short as a huge fireball flew past Cake by inches and scorched some of her fur. She howled and recoiled to her normal size in a flash. "What the-"

A second and third ball shot past the group, and as the five of them turned they saw that a dragon, carrying what looked to be the angry mob from the restaurant, was flying towards them.

"GO!" Fionna screeched, "Just _go!"_

Marshall latched onto Lord Monochromicorn just as he began to shoot off into the night, a rainbow trail soaring out behind him as the group reached his top speed. The dragon followed in close pursuit, though, and it didn't take long before another sphere of fire sailed past their heads.

Fionna's braid trailed five feet into the air behind her. All it took was one spark, and the tip of her long blonde hair lit up like a match. She screamed.

Gumball reacted immediately and grabbed at the end of her hair, an instinctual reaction at the sight of his friend in need. All that did though was melt his hand into an oozy pink goo that slid and spat off of his arm into the night that flew past.

"Put it out!" She cried. The flames raced up her hair like a red river, closer and closer to her body.

Marshall, without a second thought, lunged at Fionna and grabbed a fistful of her locks. His arm flashed into a long, bat talon, and he sliced the burning blonde ends off. They were lost behind them and fluttered, still alight, into the blackness.

"Lordy!" Cake shouted into the wind, "Get us outta hea'!" LM kicked it into second gear. The back of him coiled towards the front like a snake, and then sprung out again with enough force to speed the five of them away from their pursuers.

They didn't stop for almost an hour. When they finally did, the group had gone well past the white-capped mountains and soaring plains beyond. LM was exhausted beyond exhaustion, and was forced to float down to a small forest that laid out below them.

It was much colder this far up north. Fionna found herself shivering in her tattered dress, and wished desperately for something warmer. They had landed in a small clearing, but the black forest that surrounded the group intimidated the girl. This was unfamiliar territory for Fionna, but the others seemed to know where they were.

"We're close to the Happy Kingdom." PG mumbled. No one had spoken since the hair incident, and it wasn't until they were all on solid ground that they were able to survey the damage.

She undid the rest of her braid and let the crinkled, burnt ends of her hair curl around her shoulders and back. She must have lost five feet of it.

"Oh honey." Cake nuzzled into her sisters back and stared at her crisp locks. "It's not that bad, I mean it's still down half yer back!"

"So... So much of it is gone." The pink prince murmured sadly, stroking what remained of Fionna's hair. He stood in front of her, shoulders hunched.

"It's really not that big a deal." She said flatly. She pulled away from him. It didn't matter. Now she didn't have to wear that stupid hat all the time, and besides, it would be easier to fight because she didn't have all that extra weight on her head. She didn't care. It was a good thing.

Even so... Fionna had never cut her hair before, and a feeling of loss began to seep through every layer of emotion she had. '_It doesn't matter'_, she kept telling herself. '_I don't care.'_

Marshall Lee just stared at her. He hadn't offered any sort of comfort to the sad-looking girl, and didn't look like he was capable of such a thing at the moment. "Well," He clipped, floating over to PG. He was holding his injured side, which looked like it needed some attention, and hovered right in front of his face so that he became a barrier between the prince and Fionna. "You were sitting right behind Fionna, you could have at least _tried_ to stop her hair from burning up."

It was as if oil had just been sprayed onto an open flame.

"_Excuse me!?"_ PG roared. He grabbed Marshall by his collar and, with a jerk of his arm, twisted the two of them away from Fionna. "If you hadn't _thrown_ me off of a _balcony,_ we wouldn't have been chased by a-"

Marshall silenced his anger with a quick punch to the face. The prince staggered backwards in shock. Two years prior, that would have ended the argument. However, Gumball had grown a bit in size, and it wasn't easy to hurt somebody made of gum.

"How dare you hit-" A slap. PG glared darkly at the vampire.

"Guys!" Fionna shouted. "Stop it!" Marshall chanced a glanced over at his friend, an arrogant look upon his face.

"Don't worry, Fi." He sneered. "I'll go easy on him." Marshall didn't expect the blow to the stomach that he received at that moment. And then to the face. Followed by a kick to his hurt side. He was hit twice more before he even had a chance to react. He lunged at PG, roaring, and the two of them became locked in a violent brawl.

"STOP IT! STOP!" Grunts and kicks and punches and bites and spit and blood and sweat and swears were the only response Fionna received. Marshall and Gumball had never liked each other, and she realized that all of their confrontations and small arguments, dirty looks, and angry thoughts had been building to that moment.

Cake held her back when Fionna tried to throw herself between them. "Trust me, honey." She pulled her close and covered her eyes. "They need this."

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I would like to thank everyone that has been so kind to review this story thus far! These lovely people include GatorGirl1999, Whenrabbitsattack2-0, Evening Draven, wiseytheharmless, Maleni, Bravest Adventurer, NotSoNormalLady, Indie Mittens, a Guest, someone called "E", TheAngelWithBlackWings99, It'sQuestionable... and I think that's all! Hope to see more from you guys and I really appreciate the feedback. P.S. I know I am a slow updater. I just got back in school and the work load is ridiculous. I'll try my best to write a little each night, but don't expect very fast updates! I would say the longest I'll take to upload is a month. Happy reading!


	5. Chapter 5

I'm sorry that this took so long! I appreciate all of the feedback, favorites, and views! I don't own Adventure Time.

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The fight didn't last long.

After a few minutes of pounding on one-another, Gumball finally landed on the ground with a silencing blow that ended the brawl almost immediately. Fionna had to jump in so Marshall wouldn't begin kicking the prince.

They had each given each other a good beat-down, but Marshall had definitely inflicted worse wounds on Gumball. The pink prince's skin bloomed in purple patches all over his gum body, and there were indents and deformities on almost every square inch of him. He healed fast, though. His gummy skin regenerated very quickly, and before long most of his body had smoothed back to normal.

Marshall would have probably nearly killed him if it hadn't been for his damaged ribs. There was no doubt that half a rack of bone was cracked and broken on his right side, and although vampires also healed relatively quickly, it would be a few days until he was back to normal. Marshall never transformed, and Fionna suspected that this had to do with his injury. She recalled him telling her once that changing into his bat form while hurt was risky, because his bones shifted when he grew, and if they were not aligned properly or damaged then they could become even more deformed when his body morphed.

"Fionna. A little help here?" Cake and LM were conversing in low tones under a tall tree. Fionna began walking over to her sister and found herself torn between the glares of her two fighting friends. To the left, Gumball was nursing a torn bubble gum cheek and gripped the rough bark of a tree, knuckles nearly white. His purple eyes, usually softened with kindness, were now feral, like a wild animal, uncaged for the first time. His back, arched in a painful curve, hinted towards the discomfort and pain he was in and emphasized the tears that glimmered in his eyes. PG had put up a good fight, but in reality he'd never fought this roughly before, and Fionna was surprised he'd lasted as long as he did without crying. He was usually the brains behind the operation, not the muscle. He had Fionna for that. She wanted to go to Gumball, comfort her friend, but then she saw the look that Marshall Lee was giving him.

To Fionna's right, the vampire sat against the stump of a tree, the back of his head resting against the wood. He looked almost peaceful, relaxed. Fionna could see it though, the tension in his muscles, the veins protruding from his neck. Red slits for eyes pierced across the distance between he and the broken prince. Rigid, cold, and calculating.

There were plenty of times that Marshall Lee had scared Fionna. The first time he transformed into a giant demon-bat in front of her, she literally soiled her pants. A few times when they fought together, and he killed other monsters, she was shocked at his brutality and lack of emotion over what he was capable of. Once, when she broke a string on his guitar, Marshall had become so enraged that, not only had he roared his anger into Fionna's terror-stricken face, but he'd also taken it upon himself to throw her like a rag doll against a tree that was a mile away... However, at that moment, when Fionna saw the assured calmness of an experienced predator that allowed the vampire's attention to anchor onto Gumball, Fionna realized she'd never been more terrified of her friend. The sharp intelligence behind his eyes shone like warning beacons that called for vengeance, and Fionna's pace nearly tripled as she escaped from no mans land and ran towards her sister.

"Fionna!" Cake hissed when she finally reached the two of them. "You need to get these two unda' _control!"_

_"Me!?_ Why in glob's name do you make it sound like-"

"They're _yo'_ friends, honey. I don't got a part in this!"

"Are you flopping kidding me? You're just as much friends with Gumball as I am."

"Fionna, don't fool yo'self."

Don't fool yourself. These words reverberated throughout her mind. Then, they rebounded off of something and Fionna's eyes lit up with guilty realization.

"Cake," She murmured sadly, wrapping her arms around her sister. "Your birthday was ruined!"

Cake didn't want to admit it, but her birthday had indeed been a disaster. No presents, no singing, not enough wine, and there wasn't even any real cake. Also, the alone time that she and LM had been anticipating for the past month was definitely not happening anymore.

The cat shifted uncomfortably. "It's gonna rain..." She murmured. "My tail don't feel right." She then sauntered over to LM and collapsed onto his soft mane of hair.

Although she tried to hide it, Fionna noticed the disappointed look in her sister's eyes, and felt responsible that the birthday hadn't lived up to the expectations she'd held for it.

An idea struck her.

Racing over to Gumball (Marshall was still emanating a freaky vibe), Fionna grabbed both his shoulders excitedly and thrust her face mere inches from his. He jolted back in response.

"What..?" The bruises around his eyes made Fionna's heart hurt, and she could tell that he was still holding back tears.

"You need to bring us to the Happy Kingdom." In the distance, through the tall canopy of trees, a wide beam of yellow light shot into the sky and signaled the location of the city. PG blanched at the command.

"Fionna, why.."

"Listen," She sighed. "We really gumped up Cake's b-day. She just wanted to have a good time, ya know?"

Gumball hesitated. "I know that, Fionna, but that doesn't mean we need to bring her to the-"

"And _also, _if you hadn't brought that horrible Rain Princess to dinner, we would've been able to finish our meal!" He silenced. "So, you _owe_ me one."

"If anything, I believe I owe Cake one."

"Gumball!" She shoved him. "This is serious chizz. We need to find a place in The Happy Kingdom for LM and Cake to spend the night together."

Gumball just stared at her. He almost looked amused, which irritated the crap out of Fionna. She hated it when people acted like they knew more than her, usually because most of the time they did. "Fionna... Have you ever visited The Happy Kingdom?"

No, she hadn't. "Yes."

"So you know what it's like..."

No, she didn't. "Yeah, it's floppin' awesome."

A loud bark of ironic laughter shot out from across the small field. Marshall had floated a few feet into the air and was snickering at the conversation he'd been listening in on. "Fionna, shut up. You've never been to The Happy Kingdom."

Cake was nuzzled into LM's mane and the two of them were whispering what appeared to be a very funny story. When Marshall shouted, the cat's ears twitched in response and she tilted her face, an aggravated look upon it, towards the vampire. "What's that ya say? What 'bout the Happy Kingdom?"

Fionna skittered over to Marshall in a hurricane of nerves and anger. Gumball deflated as she left his side, but said nothing.

"Shut up!" She hissed, and grabbed at his ankle as he hung a few feet above her head. "Cake doesn't know! Don't say anything!"

The smile on his face made it seem as though the fight never happened. This Marshall was completely different from the one Fionna had seen only moments before. From predator back to friend.

He kicked at her hand playfully. "Fi, you wouldn't like it there, trust me."

Relieved that he was back to normal, Fionna tried jumping up and grabbing at his shirt, but Marshall was able to avoid her just in time. "And why not? I'm usually happy, I'd fit right in!"

"Yeah, not exactly."

Frighting them all, a sudden gust of wind tore through the trees. Branches and leaves flipped and wriggled in agitation as the air disturbed their peace, and giant storm clouds became visible for the first time as they slowly began to envelop the sky.

"I told ya!" Cake yelped fearfully, burrowing deeper into LM's rainbow waterfall of hair. "I told ya it was gonna rain!" LM began whinnying at the dark sky, and Fionna felt a chill run down her back. She was clad in nothing but the skimpy, torn, blue dress, and her hair started to shutter back and forth with the flow of the wind.

Something heavy and soft fell on her head and shrugged onto her body like a blanket. It smelled like apples and dust. Fionna peeled the black jacket from her face and glanced up uncertainly at Marshall, who was now smirking at her in just a white button down shirt.

Gumball decided to test the waters and inched his way across the field towards Fionna. The storm had set a sickening knot in his stomach, and he wanted to get as close to his friend as possible to ease his nerves. He tried to avoid Marshall's intimidating glares as he approached the two of them. There was no need to acknowledge the vampire, he reminded himself. Also, they couldn't fight with Fionna between them.

"I don't want this." The adventuress dead panned, glaring up at Marshall Lee. The jacket was almost an insult. Who did he think she was? Fionna could take care of herself.

"Fine then," He said, irritation laced through his voice. "Whatever. Give it back." Just then another wave of air rushed through the clearing, much more violent than the last. Fionna's dress curled around her thighs, and to her horror flipped inside out and rushed up her body, exposing her long, toned legs, the gentle curve of her hips, a firm butt (covered in tight blue undies), her thin waist, and a bright blue bra that covered only half of her exposed cleavage.

She screeched bloody murder and vainly tried to pull her skirt down, but the wind was so chaotic and strong it was nearly impossible to grab hold of the slippery fabric. The coat she was clutching wrapped around her like a snake and made the task even more difficult.

Her two friends, needless to say, were stunned. Gumball nearly dropped dead, skin gone completely white and mouth opened wide like a hollow cave. His arms shot out and spun in every direction as if to do something, but he was too dumb-founded to help (not that Fionna _wanted_ his help). Marshall dropped to the the ground like an anvil and clumsily stumbled to his feet. He saw Gumball's reaction and a wicked grin flashed across his face. However, when he turned to look again at Fionna's exposed skin, the grin turned to a horror-stricken curl of his lips and he bounded to her side to help her pull the dress down.

As he groped for the fabric, Fionna felt his hand lightly brush the top of her chest, and a self-conscious panic rose up her throat. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" She screamed. "GET AWAY!" Marshall staggered back with his hands up, an awkward flush working its way up his neck but a smirk turning up his mouth. Not that he'd say it out loud, but Marshall had seen plenty of naked girls in his life, so this scene wasn't as big a deal to him as he knew it was to Fionna. He thought it cute to see her squirm, but at the same time felt a profound desire to cover her up so stupid Gumwad couldn't gawk at her any longer.

He felt more confused than embarrassed.

After another minute of struggling with the dress, Fionna was able to pull it down far enough to cover most of her body. She had to hold it in place, but that was better than showing off her belly button for Marshall and PG.

It took much too long for the wind to die down, but when it did, a mortified Fionna immediately slipped Marshall's coat on and buttoned it to her throat.

The silence was absolutely suffocating. Fionna had never been a deeper shade of scarlet, and she refused to meet either of their eyes. Her arms were wrapped tight around her body as if trying to shield the two of them from the memory of her bare skin. She had never felt so ashamed, but at the same time was upset with herself for feeling shame at all. It was no secret she had boobs and a butt under her clothes! Why should she care if these two saw her half-naked? It wasn't like it meant anything.

Right?

Cake, now completely invisible under LM's hair, was oblivious to the shirtless adventure Fionna had just gone through.

Gumball, still not fully recovered, crept up to Fionna with downcast eyes. He fixed his gaze on the ground and reached a shaking hand to gently place on his friend's shoulder. His mind had turned to mush seeing Fionna in her underwear, and he couldn't deny that the sight had left a warm, pleasent, shameful feeling in his gut. Fionna stiffened.

"I..." He stammered as their eyes met. "I'm... Uhh..." Legs wobbling and arms turning to jelly, it was a miracle that he was still able to stand. Fionna had never seen him so nervous, and this made her even more self conscious.

"What?" She snapped, pulling away from him. She noticed how Marshall was eyeing her thoughtfully a few feet behind the prince, a puzzled expression on his face. "Stop it!" She said loudly, tears burning her eyes and throat aching as she backed away from both of them. "Stop being weird! Be cool, it's no biggy!" Fionna could not believe she was reacting so poorly to the situation. She never cried, and there was no floppin' way she was going to over something so stupid, especially in front of her bros.

Still, they both just stared at her. Never in her life had Fionna been so embarrassed. What were they thinking? What in glob's name could they possibly be thinking?

A bolt of lightning struck a tree close to the clearing and broke the incredibly awkward spell.

LM gave a strangled cry and he shot into the forest, Cake clinging to his fur like a barnacle. PG yelped like a moron while Fionna fell backwards on her butt, and before she could think Marshall had scooped her up and flown into the forest after the rainicorn.

"Where are they going?" She shouted as thunder cracked through the night. Clinging to Marshall, she looked up and saw that the path LM had left headed straight towards the bright beacon of Happy Kingdom.

"Wait!" Gumball shouted breathlessly, trailing behind them as the sky began to dissolve with thick drops of rain. "Wait for me!"

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leave reviews, they are so encouraging!


	6. Chapter 6

This chapter gets a little weird! Adventure Time episodes are always so random and spontaneous, so I've tried to get that feeling going in this story- especially this chapter. Hope you guys like it.

I own* adventure time.

*don't own

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The Happy Kingdom was not what Fionna had expected.

After chasing her sister and LM through the woods for a good ten minutes, Fionna and Marshall stumbled upon the couple outside a giant, wrought iron gate that surrounded a very bleak sight. A grey cobblestone street led into the first visible neighborhood inside the gate, and it narrowly divided a stream of sinister looking, black bricked buildings. Rain scattered across everything in sight; heavy, cold drops that stung flesh as it was pelted to the ground by the glass windows and doors that glared out at the four of them from the strange buildings seemed to sneer at the small group as they approached the outside of the kingdom. A few blocks down Fionna could see the steeple of a dark castle raised above depressing rooftops that looked dilapidated and worn down, almost as if they had given up on protecting the homes they covered, and preferred to lay down and surrender to the harsh, unforgiving elements.

Huffing and puffing was heard behind the group, and they turned to see a bewildered Gumball come staggering through the foliage. He'd caught up pretty quickly.

"Remind me again," He wheezed, approaching Fionna and laying a hand on her shoulder as he gasped for breath. His clothes were torn and he looked absolutely miserable- they all did. "Remind me," He repeated. "Why we have come here?"

Cake and LM had no idea Fionna had been planning on bringing them to The Happy Kingdom- they only escaped to the nearest form of civilization they could find in the downpour. This was good, Fionna decided, because she could still surprise them by secretly finding a romantic place for them to stay. However, the small fire of confidence that began burning in Fionna when she hacked up the plan in the clearing had dimmed very quickly when she caught sight of the ominous streets and terrifying castle of the supposedly bright spirited kingdom.

"What gives?" Was all she could think of to say. She gave Marshall a beseeching glare. "I thought this place was 'sposed to be 'happy'..."

"And I thought you said you'd been here before."

Lord Monochromicorn murmured something to Cake and jutted his head towards the gate.

"He's right." Cake said. "Someone's comin'."

Past the gate and down the street, an ominous group of a dozen small, dark clad figures were approaching the group. A collective shiver went down all their spines.

"I've held committees with these creatures before." Gumball said slowly. He looked nervous. "This kingdom wasn't always theirs; in fact, they overtook it just a few years ago. It was basically genocide; an entire kingdom, slaughtered. In short, they usually aren't the most reasonable."

"Creatures?" Fionna hissed. "Genocide? Slaughter?" The five of them were huddled together against the wind and rain, staring at the oncoming strangers as helpless as though they were a second storm about to overtake them.

"I hate these jerks." Marshall agreed. "Not a smudge of red in this place, either."

"Should we just leave? You guys are, like, freaking me out!"

"We'll be fine." Gumball patted her shoulder. "As long as all of you do exactly as I tell you, we'll be able to secure a room at an inn, from the king's approval of course, and-"

"Are you flopping kidding me? You just said these guys were horrible murderers!"

"I know, but we don't have a choice."

"Of course we do!" Cake piped in. "Fly as far from here as possible!"

"You're gonna get wet, kitty." Marshall pointed out.

"I don't think you quite understand." Gumball turned to the group. "This is no ordinary storm. It's Rain Princess' doing."

He was right; the rain, thunder, wind, and other stormy characteristics of the night had swept in suddenly and powerfully. It wasn't natural, and if anything it would only get worse. Chances were that the wrathful princess planned on a hurricane hitting the group tonight. They were hours from home, and the only form of protection from the storm within at least a sixty minute radius was the dark kingdom looming in front of them.

"Listen up." Cake was quaking violently against the rain, and she looked nearly homicidal. "In the past few hours, I've been the birthday girl, silly-drunk, attacked, my fur's caught on fire, I've sobered up, and I puked on LM's back."

"I know Cake, but… Wait, what?"

"I don't care where we stayin' tonight, but it aint outside!"

"You puked on LM's back?"

"All you betta stay put. We are findin' a place to stay tonight, or…"

"But we were all on LM's back… like, really close together…"

"Or so help me, I will crush the lives outta ya…"

"And you were in the front, Cake."

"I'll hurt ya bad, big time…"

"If you puked, it would have probably gotten on us…"

"It's still my birthday, glob globbit! Do as I say!"

"You puked on us when we were asleep… didn't you?"

The strangers were close now, bundled together, hoods hung low so their faces were hidden. There was definitely more than a few of them- Fionna counted seven of the small creatures. They were short, only a little taller than Cake, but there was something terrifying in the slow, steady way they advanced toward the group.

Marshall tapped Fionna's shoulder. "There's still time to run."

Gumball cleared his throat and stood straight. "Allow me to handle this." He stepped forward and allowed his diplomatic facade to overtake his features. "I've dealt with these beings before. And Fionna… try not to laugh. Or smile."

"What?"

"Don't do anything, actually…" With a quick backward glance, PG cast Marshall a cautious look. "Do not let her laugh."

Marshall rolled his eyes. "Oh please, we'll be fine. They're no bigger than the cat."

"No bigger, but much more volatile and much, much more dangerous."

"What is going on?" She hissed. "Why would I laugh?"

Sometimes Marshall gave Fionna weird feelings in her tummy. This was one of those times. The vampire floated close to her, amused. Centimeters from her face, Marshall's pale mouth turned up into a lazy smirk. With a dramatic sigh, his eyes closed, and he leaned in to allow his forehead to rest on the blushing patch of skin between her eyebrows. His hands clutched the back of the over sized jacket she was wearing and he pulled Fionna into an embrace.

"Oh Fionna." He murmured. "So young, so innocent."

Fionna stammered incoherently as she tried to push him away from her blushing face, and choked out awkward, girlish laughter.

"Haha- Marshall Lee! Hahahahaha- stop!" The creatures were only a few seconds from the gate now, and Fionna felt like she was going to puke.

He didn't look very worried. "I'm sorry that you have to go through all this, but,"

"Those things are here- I'm not 'sposed to laugh- hahaha… Stop!"

"At least you're safe with me." She finally just punched him so he'd shut up, and he shoved her away with a chuckle. Gumball glowered at them quickly before turning to confront the small little beings that huddled a few feet from him on the opposite side of the steel barred barrier.

He shifted uncomfortably, but stood his ground as dark, twinkling eyes glared up at him beneath their dark hoods. They made no sound and did not seem intent on making the first move.

PG cleared his throat. "We would like a nights rest, nothing more."

They did not answer.

"This storm is only getting worse, and we are far from home. I assure you that we can pay for a room at an inn, or elsewhere if need be. But please, on behalf of myself and my companions, let us in for a night."

After a few heartbeats of nothing but the roar of water falling from the sky, the little creatures turned and started whispering to one another.

Gumball glanced back at the group uncertainly. Cake and Fionna both gave him an encouraging thumbs up, and LM garbled something that was probably supportive.

With a deafening crack, lightning struck one of the castle towers in the distance, and the rain began to come down in sheets of solid water. Even with the coat, Fionna was soaked to the bone, and the whips of frozen air the wind struck them with cut through her body like invisible knives. A huge tree fell a few hundred feet in the forest behind them, wood and earth exploding as if they'd been hit by a cannonball.

When they finished conspiring, one of the small beings parted from the group and approached the gate. The mouth of it's hood lifted to face Gumball, and after a few unbearable moments it gave a slow, solemn nod. Fionna thought she might have seen whiskers poking out of the blackness, but she couldn't be sure. It was so dark.

Of their own accord, the gates shuddered, and PG stepped back just in time as metal began to scrape and screech across stone.

He entered first, and his friends slowly after. The group stayed close together as they were led through narrow, shadowy streets and alleyways. Fionna noted that everything was black; the street stones, the buildings, the glass of windows and doors, street signs, benches, and even the few plants that dotted the black sidewalk. Each house was identical to the next.

She shivered. Leaning over, Fionna quietly asked Marshall what the flop was going on and if he could please explain to her what the glob those little things were. He didn't answer, but instead flicked her in the face and asked for his coat back.

Quickening her pace so she could catch up to Gumball, Fionna hurried to his side and asked him the same thing, but much quieter because they were close to the group of dwarf things.

"They are a strange people." He conceded grimly. "They only allow outsiders inside the gates to make a profit off them. All of us in a room tonight will most definitely cost a pretty penny."

"Okay, but what are they? What do they look-"

He hushed her quickly with a hand to the mouth. "Fionna," He hissed. "I'm sure you'll see them soon enough. Best not to risk them overhearing us. Just please remember- don't laugh."

They soon arrived at the castle, the once distant steeples now looming ominously over the group. Fionna noted that there were no guards, locks, or really any other means of security around the castle- or the rest of the kingdom for that matter.

Cake (finally) parted from LM and nuzzled into Fionna's back. "It's okay baby." She murmured into her ear. "They're small, we'll whoop 'em up if we need to." She didn't answer.

No one else spoke as they made their way through the castle doors and the claustrophobic halls that stretched passed them. Fionna was about ready to explode with questions, but she knew that everyone wanted her to stay quiet. Gumball seemed calm enough, and Marshall Lee looked extremely bored, so she figured that they weren't in any real danger.

There was a hooded figure posted outside a giant door that the group stopped at. It had a dark red sash on it's robe to indicate his high ranking status. Gumball approached him cautiously, and to Fionna's surprise shook hands with the creature. She saw claws protrude from it's sleeve for a moment before they disappeared again. The two of them went off a ways down the hall, speaking in private, and Fionna could only guess they were making a deal about a room or something. She realized that she'd forgotten to tell PG to get Cake and LM their own room, but at that point she was too freaked out to do anything about it.

"How'dya like it?" Marshall floated a few feet in front of Fionna, smirking at her visible discomfort.

"It's great."

"Aah, really? Even _I_ can't take this much black."

"Great news!" Gumball came up to them, beaming. "I've successfully secured us all one deluxe room on the fifth floor of the palace. It's going to cost one pretty penny, but it's better than being killed by Rain Princess. We now must simply speak to the king for a moment in his throne room and we'll be all set."

"Why do we need to do that?"

"It's simply a formality. Just _please,_ remember, let _me_ do the talking. Don't laugh."

After what seemed like forever, the group and it's small tour guides entered the gigantic door. They entered a vast hall with giant black windows, and a dark marble floor that led to a raised rage of the storm could be heard hammering on the outside of the edifice, more violent and terrifying than when they'd left it.

There must have been hundreds of the little beings crowded into the hall, dark hoods turned towards them in silent disapproval. It was so quiet Fionna heard the loud thumping of her heart and willed it to slow down. As they made their way uncomfortably across the hall, Fionna noticed another small creature sitting on the throne. However, this one was not wearing a cloak.

Her stifled laugh lasted just long enough to shoot across the cavernous room and echo around in the beams and ceiling overhead.

Seated on the throne, holding a terrifying scepter made of bones, was a squirrel. Light brown, twitchy tail, and no larger than Cake. There was a crown of something pink and soft on it's head as well, and it's wild eyes stuttered around in it's head in a chaotic, delirious dance.

This was possibly the most confusing kingdom Fionna had ever visited.

"Bring them forth." It squeaked.

That's when Cake laughed.

Marshall and Gumball and LM and Fionna could not have all taken turns beating her to successfully make Cake stop laughing. She hooted, howled, and cried lough enough to probably wake half of Aaa. Rolling on the floor in uncontrollable hysteria, the cat pointed up to the throne and squealed with unbridled delight.

Marshall joined in, just because he knew it was a terrible idea, and before long LM was making a noise that was assumed to be laughter as well. The squirrels began to shed their hoods- brown, black, and grey coats of fur revealed beneath the fabric- and their tails and limbs began to twitch with barely contained rage. They pulled out all sorts of strange weapons crafted to fit their small limbs; swords, chainsaws, bats, spears, bows, and even an acorn grenade launcher (only one of those). Fionna and Gumball shared a mortified glance.

"Bring them forth." The king repeated, whatever chipper he had in his voice completely gone. The hall suddenly exploded into a chaotic mess of noise, fur and claws, the squirrels screeching at one another in their squirly language. Fionna found herself, alongside her friends, being dragged to the seat of the throne by the violent mammals. They were surprisingly strong, and their numbers only increased their strength. LM was forcibly coiled into a small ball as the creatures clung and sat on top of him, his horn and head sticking out of a fold in his twisted body. Cake was taken down by a few of the creatures (however she did not stop laughing), and Fionna was forced to her knees next to PG with a few of the animals on either of their backs.

Marshall was nowhere to be seen. Either he was invisible or got bored and finally decided to bail.

The king stood when the entire group was presented before him, and when he did the hall fell to stifling silence. The squirrels swarmed around them, waiting for permission to strike.

Like a bomb seconds from detonation, the king approached the four of them slowly; anger simmering just below the surface of his soft brown fur.

When he started speaking, Fionna tried think of anything besides the sound of his voice, the high pitched words rattling out of his tiny mouth, and did her best not to stare at his tail as it twitched back and forth.

"After allowing these strangers through our gates and into our home," It peeped. "There are no words that can describe the dishonor they have brought into our kingdom."

Cake wasn't as successful in controlling herself as her sister, but was able to stifle her laughter to nothing more than a few suppressed giggles.

"Even now, they shame all we have built with their mockery of our people." It scampered over to the cat, who avoided eye contact with him and just smirked at the floor. "These creatures here, these filth, must be made an example of." Leaning close, the furry little king grabbed Cake's face with a clawed paw and forced her to look at him. She tried stretching away, but her face was in his grip and she simply couldn't escape it. Fionna, Gumball and LM each tried wiggling out of the squirrels' grasp to help her, but there was nothing they could do.

"Leave her alone!"

"Fionna, shhhh!"

"Gerblehagherflaurg!"

With his other paw, the king slowly lifted the soft pink crown off his head and thrust it into Cake's face. The horde of mammals buzzed as this display, and a dark new energy grew in the room. They became angrier, prouder, more aggressive; shoving each other out of the way to gawk at the prisoners, fighting amongst themselves, screeching here and there for no apparent reason.

The king stared down wickedly at Cake. "Do you know what this is?"

She hesitated. Between his claws she managed: "Uhh… a smelly crown?"

Fionna chanced a look at Gumball, and they shared a terrified glance. She was about to ask him what the plan was when a few of the squirrels grabbed her neck from behind and forced her to look ahead once again.

The king let go of Cake and stepped back. He fiddled with the crown for a moment, pleased with himself, and held it in front of him for the rest of the group to see.

"Oh indeed, this is a crown. Though it's truly much, much more than that." His eyes widened as he got a good look at Gumball for the first time, and threw his head back in squeaky laughter. "Prince Gumball of The Candy Kingdom- why am I so surprised?" He approached the prince, who put on a brave and diplomatic face.

"Listen here." Gumball said. "You are making a grave mistake. My people won't stand for their ruler to endure this kind of treatment, and as your guests-" He was kicked in the stomach, and stopped talking.

Fionna couldn't stand it any longer. Pinned down by a bunch of tiny little squirrels? She'd never be taken seriously as a hero again if she couldn't pull herself together. She was supposed to protect Gumball, and all night she'd just been watching as the snot got beaten out of him, time and time again.

With an angry war-cry, Fionna exploded out of her captors' grasp and lunged at the small king. Milliseconds from grabbing his throat, another barrage of mammals bulldozed into her and pinned her to the floor under a mountain of fur, teeth and claws.

"Such insolence! There is a price, and it will be payed." Holding up the crown once more, he allowed Gumball a close look at it. "Tell me boy, what do you see?"

Gumball studied it reluctantly for a few moments before visibly blanching, and recoiled from the pink, mushy object. "It's… it's made of tongues!"

The king smirked, his small, pointed teeth overtaking his features as his lips peeled back from them. "We are a proud people, and do not stand for outright blasphemous attitudes toward our kingdom." He replaced the tongue-crown on his head. "All we ask for is respect. Those who can't show it will pay the price."

Fionna felt sick. The smell alone was enough to kill her. Apparently squirrels never bathed, and if they did it was in some horrible type of sewage water or something. There was so much weight on her back she could feel her intestines smashing together, and there was barely enough space to fit her head through the mass of fur to even breath. Where the flop was Marshall? There's no way he'd just leave them like this!

A squirrel that looked to be a squire approached the king and presented to him a pillow with a metal object on it. It was a long, thin pair of pinchers that ended in two razor sharp king picked it up.

He gave each member of the group a measured stare, the psychotic gleam in his eyes growing brighter with each passing second. There was even a bit of foam coming out of his mouth.

"Alright then," He snapped the pinchers together loudly. "Who's first?"

* * *

Sorry about how long this took. 2 months! I can't promise anything faster, but i do want to let you guys know that your support has really pushed me to move forward with this. I've had tons of trouble finishing stories in the past, and I plan on seeing this one through till the end. I'd like to thank everyone that has reviewed so far. Here are the shout outs from chapter 5-

wiseyetharmless (i like this name), MarcelineFan, asdfghjkl, Elisablackcat, an Anonymous (unoriginal), Nightmarebeforesparkles, princessb102700, Lol, FightmeFellar, Lola, our-adventure-time, a Guest, Zatara1324, , Sabrina, Um, DragonLover4Life (me too bro), and a Guest

sorry if i missed anyone!

Every review is awesome and each one of them really brightens my day, because it lets me know people have taken the time to read my work and also respond to it! It was also pointed out to me in a review that I've made a few mistakes with LM's coloring (he's not rainbow derrr), so sorry about that!

The reviews that really have inspired me are those that tell me I should actually pursue writing! Without a doubt it's the best compliment you can give someone on this website, so I give cookies and candy and milkshakes to all those that told me I should *throws milks cookies candies yumm*


	7. True Author's Note On Her Story

Hello guys. I'm sorry about this, but I'm pretty upset. Ever heard of Wattpad? Me neither. Anyways, some asshole made an account called _dOpeSwAg_01 on it and thought it would be a great idea to take my story, "Double Date From Hell", and, well, _recycle_ it. They literally copied and pasted this story onto it and claimed it as their own. Now, I gave this person sufficient warning that if they did not credit me as the author or take down the story I would report them to the website. At first, no answer, then about two days later they gave me a shout out in an Authors Note, thanking me. Just thanking me. What for? Hell if I know. Probably for writing this so they could copy it word for word onto another website. And you know what else they said? Well, take a look. It's the first website, story entitled exactly the same as this one, and the website the super famous and award winning Wattpad.

94007554-double-date-from-hell-author-note

That's right. Apparently they were suffering from "severe writer's block". Actually, I'm the one that's been suffering from writer's block. I'm the writer.

Asking people to help out? So other people will be writing this story now. That was not my original plan. In fact, this may be "totally shocking and ridiculous", but I actually planned on writing the story... wait for it... ALL BY MYSELF *gasp*

I tried reporting this person to the Wattpad staff, but the directions and messaging system were so complicated and ridiculous that I finally just turned to you guys. Please, never copy someone's work. It's not flattering, it's sickening. It's nice that you like someone's story, but claiming it as your own shows you have zero respect for them or the time they've taken to create it. If you've even ever _tried_ writing a story then you know how I must feel right now.

I made an account and messaged this person a few times, and now they've started ignoring me. I feel utterly helpless and I'm thinking a second Double Date From Hell that branches off after chapter 6 will start going on in some obscure part of the internet. If any of you guys have a Wattpad, maybe you could do me solid and message this person to take the story down. If you don't, create an account and just tell him/her/it/ how you feel and what thievery means to you. It's easy to make one, but at the same time I don't want any of you guys going out of your way to do this for me. This is 100% a favor, but at the same time it definitely shows your support for this story. If you don't feel like making an account, go check out the copied story if for any reason just to get really angry. Look at it before you play in a hockey game. Before watching The Super Bowl. Maybe prior to clubbing. Check it out after smoking a bowl, I don't give a crap. Just people even knowing what this person has done will make me feel better.

story/30163839

here's the link to **_MY_** story. Also the link to "dope swag whatever's" page. First website, wattpad, Double Date From Hell title. If the link doesn't work, just go to the Wattpad website and search "Double Date From Hell". Trust me, you'll find it.

If you don't do any of those things that's fine with me also. Thanks for reading MY story, and I'll try my best to get Chapter 7 up as soon as possible. If there's any lesson to be learned in this, it's that copying is no bueno and originality is muy bueno.

Thanks, love you guys,

Mulberry.


	8. Chapter 7

i** own nothing fanfiction is not a capitalistic state **

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Marshall dissolved into thin air when things began to go south. He had a thing about greasy little animals touching him, and although his suit was pretty much already ruined by the rain, he planned on avoiding the claws of the psychotic squirrels as long as possible. Wiping the floor with a couple hundred of them sounded entertaining and all, but he was too tired and hurt to take them on himself. Work smart, not hard.

He knew they were unpredictable creatures, however, and wanted to act as quickly as he could. The others would be fine for a few minutes, tops, and he didn't want to be the cause of any unplanned disembowelment. A few staked heads would be such a cheerful ending to Cake's birthday.

Floating up to the rafters, Marshall knocked on the ceiling to see how thick it was. The screeching of the squirrels reverberated off the high chambers of the room and set his teeth on edge. Oh, was he going to enjoy this. As his fist hit the rough surface, he noted it was solid stone. The squirrels hated rain, and tearing away the protection from what was likely about to become a hurricane would scatter their ranks and take away any power they had over the group.

He glanced down and saw his friends pinned. The squirrel general (or whatever) had began his monologue of nonsense no one cared about.

If he'd had more time he could have thought of a safer plan- one that wouldn't put his friends at risk. He didn't, though, and hoped they'd figure out what was happening fast enough.

A primal scream interrupted his thoughts and he looked down to witness Fionna propel herself toward the squirly king and effectively become buried under a mountain of angry mammals as they protected their leader. He flinched, smirking despite himself.

"That's gonna sting…" He muttered. Fionna would be fine- she was always fine, one way or another. He didn't know it, but that's what Marshall found so entrancing about her. Whenever they went out adventuring, whenever they fought (especially one another), whenever Marshall made a crude joke and she laughed, all the times she looked at him with those piercing blue eyes and made him feel a tiny less dead… Even as she cried, Fionna had a way of making herself and anyone around her just feel fine- especially Marshall Lee, one so accustomed to being cast out by society. He couldn't see this inside of himself, though. He'd never been able to understand his own feelings.

He'd been brooding most of the night. Seeing Fionna in a dress had thrown him off a bit, and made him scratch the surface of thinking a little.

He'd thought all night, about her, about him... and the moment Fionna's dress was thrown off of her in the wind frenzy, he actually began to wonder.

And as Marshall floated high above her, in wonder, watching as she fought in the face of absolute adversity, the deepest part of his being, the part that had been slowly thawing for awhile now, finally seemed to crack open and fall apart like a beautiful flower that decided it was time to reveal its petals.

He felt something change, but didn't know what. Something his father used to say floated through his mind, though, and the childhood memory caught him off guard a bit. 'A little fire in the soul makes for a warm heart.'

From his vantage point in the rafters, the vampire could see the king saunter over to Gumball with his pincers, advertising his delight in facial mutilation. Marshall liked his style- very evil villainesque. A little flare and narcissism was something he'd always respected in the bad guys, so he reflected that he'd have a hard time killing the squirrel king.

Right before something Marshall would have found hilarious happened, a very unfortunate squirrel made the valiant attempt to ambush him, and leapt from one of the rafters onto his back. He'd noticed the vampire while scouting out the best rafter to hang the prisoners' bodies from once they were killed, and knew that capturing the escapee would undoubtedly earn him a promotion in the squirrely ranks.

Marshall, who'd been focused on contemplating whether or not to let Gumball get his tongue ripped out, was completely caught off guard. He reacted on instinct, as he had most his life. In the explosion of flesh and fur, Marshall ripped through the top of the palace in a much less organized way than he'd planned. Instead of tearing out a piece, he'd collapsed the entire roof.

The squirrel army and their prisoners looked up just in time to see the entire ceiling and roof of The Happy Kingdom's grand, dark palace thunder down upon them. The little creatures, for the few seconds they had to react, tried their best to escape the avalanche of stone. It was no use, though. The great walls of the chamber sealed them in like the walls to a coffin. The screeching and yells of the squirrels reached a sudden apex as the meteorites of the ceiling hit them, and the sound bubble burst with the silencing slam of stone and granite as it smashed on the ground. Then, the rain came down and sheathed the aftermath of Marshall's blind fury in a cold, slippery wetness.

The vampire landed softly on the crumbled debris of the roof, giants wings flapping, and saw that some of the furry little creatures were wriggling their way out between the cracks of the wreckage. "Like cockroaches." He thought. They seemed harmless, though. On top of being pummeled by three hundred tons of solid stone, the storm would put out any rage fires that were still burning in the angry little animals.

The rain was horrible. Much worse than when the group had entered the building. The wind jerked the water about and turned droplets into shotgun shells. Marshall shielded himself with his wings and wondered where they'd be able to find refuge. He was worried about his side- he hadn't wanted to transform for at least a few days.

He began to wonder if he'd accidentally killed everyone when LM poked his head out from under the slab of ceiling he'd landed on. The Rainicorn blinked up at him and mumbled an unintelligible string of words. He floated off the stone and LM wrenched himself free, shaking off a squirrel that clung to his face. Cake had shrunk down and hidden in LM's mane, and when she spilled out of his hair, landing on the ground, the first thing she did was fling herself at Marshall's face in an attempt to claw his eyes out.

"YOU GLOBBIN' PIECE O' WORK!" She screeched, growing in size and anger. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKIN'!?"

Marshall was so shocked he popped! right back into his humanoid form. He hadn't been caught off guard so badly in hundreds of years- he'd expected praise, not a fury fueled barrage of claws. Pain exploded in his side where the cat had hit him- the same damn cat that was trying to claw his eyes out. It took a lot of struggling to get Cake off of him, and when he did it took all his strength not to snap her neck.

"What the hell was that!? I just saved-"

With a hiss Cake threw herself onto Marshall's face again, but this time he was able to hold her back.

"You could have killed us!" She shrieked.

"But I didn't!"

"Oh yeah!?" Cake glanced around wildly. Rain sprayed off her soaked fur as she shook with terror and rage. "Where's Fionna and Gumball!?"

She was right, of course, the damn cat. Marshall had been waiting for the two of them to surface from the mess, and even though they hadn't yet he'd been able to keep all thoughts of "mortal injury" pushed to the back of his mind. He scanned the demolition zone over again, piles of rubble shifting as wind and squirrel did their best to knock them over. They could've been anywhere in that mess, in any condition...Regret gnawed the back of his conscience.

"They're fine…" He mumbled, but he couldn't stop himself from nervously floating from stone pile to stone pile, searching for their missing friends. Cake and LM were screaming their names, searching a bit more frantically than the frightened vampire.

Marshall kept a calm facade, but he was growing more anxious by the second. The rain was unbearable, and the wind no less torturous. They'd be fine, Fionna was always fine, Gumball was made of gum, it'd be a good thing if he was dead, they'd faced more than a pile of rocks before, if Fionna can't handle this she shouldn't call herself a hero, hopefully Gumball's dead, I'm overreacting!, hopefully they're both alive…

A granite slab shifted to his right, and before Marshall knew what he was doing he'd thrown all the stone debris around the slab out of the way, and then, shaking from the pain in his side, a bubble of hope building in his chest, lifted the giant rock up.

Gumball was lying on top of Fionna, gummy body stretched and squished from the weight of the rocks. He'd thrown himself on top of her when the roof collapsed. Fionna hadn't been able to do much in avoiding the rain of cement when the squirrels abandoned her on the floor, as she'd pretty much lost all feeling in her body after the mammal mountain had crushed her, so she was grateful her friend had been so very quick witted.

"Well, Marshall," He said in a strained voice. "I'm glad to see you."

He shuddered as a relieved sigh escaped him, and helped the two of them up. Fionna was a little bruised and scratched, but no serious damage.

"I'm fine, Cake. " She murmured as the cat clung to her sister like a parasite, loud sobs wracking her body. "Calm down, you're freaking out for nothing. No biggie, please stop."

Over the hysterics, Marshall and Gumball made eye contact for a moment.

"Guys- we, like, need to get out of here."

Something fundamental shifted in the way they regarded one another- white flags on both ends were finally, clumsily, being raised into the once polluted air.

"Are you guys seeing this?"

They didn't see. Marshall and Gumball were reconsidering one another, for the first time since they'd met. Not exactly respect, not truly understanding, but something that could be considered acceptance was born between them.

"She's right." Cake sniffed, her voice a terrified whisper. "Something's wrong."

They'd never understood each other, and it was unlikely they ever truly would. But they'd finally realized there was a way they could coexist- that there was something they would both always have in common- their empathy towards the human.

"Ohmyglod."

Marshall and Gumball broke eye contact, and noticed, with dread, what their friends were warning them about. Around them, in the gaping remainder of the castle, clusters of squirrels were forming like tumors in the crevices and caves that'd been created in the carcass of the edifice. They were deathly still, horribly silent, and did nothing but watch the group with wide, red eyes. The King was nowhere to be seen, and Marshall hoped suddenly that he'd been killed when the roof collapsed- he kind of liked him and didn't want to do it himself.

"We need to go." Fionna whispered, terrified. "Like, now." The buildings that had once looked totally abandoned now had their windows filled with the small faces of squirrels. They were waiting.

* * *

**Sorry, this is way overdue. I've been pretty discouraged to write lately- between the** **copied story****, and because I had to delete a story due to a troll that reported it. I know this is a bit of a rushed chapter as well, but I hope you enjoyed it anyways. happy reading :) **


	9. Chapter 8

**that's right i live**

**i own nothing**

* * *

"Perhaps the king has died," Gumball said quietly. "Without anyone to tell them what to do, they'll lose order. The king was their brain- he controlled them. Once a single organism, they'll now be a scattered army, and much less of a threat than before."

Fionna decided with quiet certainty that she'd never been in a more hostile environment- even considering the time she ate Cake's special pasta. The reek of wet fur was so pungent that the rain seemed to sizzle and hiss as it hit the ground and the wreckage of castle that was thrown about. No less than a billion predatory eyes bore into the small group as they huddled in the center of the carnage that Marshall created with his transformation. Lightning ripped apart the sky and flashed onto the trees that encircled what remained of The Happy Kingdom.

Marshall glanced up at the tumultuous sky and then assessed the mammalian situation that surrounded them. "If that's the case, then why are they all focused on us?" Gumball's face darkened in response. A retort sat on the edge of his mouth, but he was cut off by a sharp howl of wind.

For a moment, Marshall imagined himself grabbing Fionna and flying into the forest. Just to get her out of there. The thought surprised him. Fionna could take care of herself, and there was not way she'd leave her friends behind. He didn't want to leave them either, but the image of Fionna and the image of the collapsed ceiling were beginning to merge in his mind.

They couldn't fly away, that much was clear. The air was so full of electricity that, if not for the rain, Cake and LM would be nearly unrecognizable as anything but moving wads of fur and hair. They'd be fried by lightning for sure. Fionna had to grab her sister as the cat began to hiss and spit at the nearest squirrel.

"Let me at 'im!" She growled. "I'm gonna chew his little head off!" It would have been better if the squirrel had reacted, but it didn't. Instead its eyes bore into Cake as she thrashed about in Fionna's arms. It was so absolutely still that it seemed dead; it didn't even seem to be breathing. A chill shuddered down the human's spine when she focused her vision beyond the creature and realized the full power that death seemed to have on the situation; thousands of dead looking squirrels stood before them, sizing them up, aware of their presence, their every movement. Thousands just like the one before them, and they looked intent. It seemed to be one immense being that surrounded them, looming just before the edge of total darkness.  
"Are they alive?" She whispered, more terrified than she'd ever been. Cake froze in her sister's arms, and Gumball glanced at Marshall. LM shifted. The vampire would know.

"No, they aren't." He answered quickly. The sight of Fionna bothered him. She didn't frighten easily. "But they don't smell undead..." He paused. "Who knew squirrels could be so globbin' creepy…"

Creepy was an understatement. A few dozen squirrels sat on a chunk of castle and their weight caused the debris to shift. The movement scattered the animals and caused a ripple through the horde, and it shuddered thousands of the creatures as they began to move in on the group.

The five of them collapsed in on themselves. Back to back, they stood ready to face the monstrous little beasts. Fionna found herself pressed tight between Marshall and Cake, and she did her best to seem fearless for her friends. Marshall sensed her fear, though, and she knew he did.

"Alright," Gumball pointed to a gap in the horde. "we should-" He didn't manage more before the first wave hit.

They pounced all at once. A single brain controlled by one predator.

There wasn't any speaking between them. The downpour, the fighting, and the screeching noises that came from the squirrels made up all sound. Cake grew in size and swiped four, five, six of them away at once. LM chomped and stamped and kicked at the creatures as they landed on him in the dozens. Gumball karate chopped and punched out as many as he could. Marshall tore the creatures in half with his bare hands and began attacking with his fangs. Fionna would've prefered a sword but with none close by began to battle the creatures with her fists and feet.

After the night they'd had, it was personal. Every punch and snarl were fueled by a magma of passion that began boiling even before the date began. They were not just battling the demonic squirrels. There was too much anger, too much outrage aimed at them- monsters that were like so many others they'd battled before- for that type of personal involvement. The struggle between moving on past the wretched night they'd experienced or facing what had happened within the group was palpable as well and needed to be fought. The self-worth of each member of the group was at stake, and they battled their way through the squirrel creatures to uphold it.

Their urgent fighting did nothing though. Even after killing what seemed to be thousands of them, waves of attacks kept pouring over the group. The sky kept unloading walls of rain. Night continued. Gumball stomped on the face of a creature until it stopped moving and heard a curse. He glanced haphazardly back to see Marshall behind him, prying a wide eyed attacker from his forearm. When he was able to finally rip it off he chucked it back into the horde.

"Gumball," He swiped a clawed hand and took out a group of them charging. "I think I get why this is taking so flippin' long."

The prince kicked one in the face that was lunging for him and noticed something peculiar. He leaned in close. The squirrel was twitching and spitting quite furiously under his foot, a horrid sight in itself. Its eyes burned an angry yellow. What shocked him, though, was the bloody skull that added a blast of white in the face of the creature. Brains stuck to its grey fur.

Its head was bashed in.

The squirrel he stomped out a moment ago sprang back to life. Marshall slapped it away with a grimace.

"Yeah, I guess the term 'undead' can be used a bit more loosely than I thought."

"Get it off! Get it! Kill it!" Cake ran around in hysteric circles as her tail was being crushed in the jaws of an armless squirrel. The squirrels were crushed under her paws as she grew even larger in size, but nothing would get the one off her tail. LM finally kicked it away and bashed its face in with a hoof.

"This isn't working!" Gumball glanced around for something, anything to get them out of the situation. But there was nothing. Nothing. He had known how dangerous these things were and allowed them to enter The Happy Kingdom anyways. Guilt struck him hard in the gut. Fionna's angry war cry pierced his ear as she charged a group of the zombie squirrels, and he continued to fight. A slice of lightning struck a tree in the near forest. It burst into flame.

And Fionna was the first to notice the fire.

It burned high at the top of the tree. Bright and hot. The flames distracted her for a moment as she fought off the creatures. Then the flickering orange captured her gaze. Both blue eyes widened.

"Cake!" The cat turned to see her sister pointing to the birth of a forest fire, and knew exactly what the adventuress was suggesting. Her years of experience fighting alongside Fionna came into play and she weighed the odds. She was about one hundred yards away from the tree, the little freaks were coming at her from every angle, and she had reached the size of an elephant.

A wicked feline grin slashed across the cat's face, and she charged.

Marshall barely had time to jump out of the way. "I'M GONNA KILL THESE LITTLE FREAKS!" Cake roared. Another moment would have found him crushed beneath Cake's furious paws. "THEY RUINED MY BIRTHDAY!"

"Uh, your birthday was ruined way-"

She hit the tree full force and splinters exploded over the battlefield. The trunk snapped under her grip as she tore the top half off, and fire licked up and down the bark.

"There!" Fionna pointed to the thickest mass in the horde. Cake hissed, and with a final scream threw the burning trunk into the screeching rodents.

It worked. Although everything had been long drenched in the rain, the squirrels burst into flame the moment the fire touched their fur. And it spread like a grass fire. The wet smell of burnt fur quickly filled the air, as did the tortured screams of those burning alive. They burned fast though. Within seconds thousands of the creatures had disintegrated to nothing but ash.

The group had to scatter when the fire spread. Gumball ran for cover to avoid becoming a puddle, and Fionna sprinted after him to duck behind a large piece of debris. Marshall flew a good distance away from the heat of the flames, and LM reached Cake just as she shrank to normal size. The two of them hid a ways into the forest.

They were mindless things, so the squirrels that weren't immediately incinerated made no attempt to retreat. The horde that, moments ago, had seemed so immense was down to no more than two or three hundred of the creatures.

Gumball nudged Fionna with his elbow as they watched the army burn and shrivel. "Clever thinking. How did you know fire would kill them?" She smiled sheepishly and shrugged her shoulders.

"Uhh… lucky guess?"

Marshall appeared at Fionna's other side. "Nice going, kid. But, uh," His hand enclosed around the top button of her coat. He pulled her close and quickly unfastened the top two buttons. "Can I have this back now?" After the initial shock, Fionna shoved him away and laughed as relief began to settle over her. A light blush painted her cheeks and it made Marshall smile. The adventuress smiled as well. They held each other's stare until Gumball coughed and Fionna realized what was happening. Her entire body seemed to snap away from the vampire as she turned to gaze at the few remaining squirrels, and her blush deepened.

"Man, those things are floppin' weird." She murmured.

The fire finally died, and only a few dozen squirrels remained that survived the blaze. Without anyone in sight to attack, they slowly wandered the blackened field. Their movements reminded Fionna very much of a group of zombies. With their broken limbs, excessive lacerations, and twisted, limping forms they basically were zombies. The vampire whistled at the grotesque scene.

"So where's the king?" He asked. Cake and LM emerged from under the trees and joined the three. They all watched the squirrels in silence. Exhaustion weighed heavily upon the five of them, however the rain was starting to grow lighter. Rain Princess had apparently grown tired of trying to murder the five of them. The torrential downpour had calmed to placid rainfall, but after the heat from the fire it seemed a very cold night.

"He could be anywhere." Gumball said finally. "I doubt he's close by, though. They wouldn't be this disorganized. It's likely he fled when he saw the fire."

"Great." Fionna frowned. "So we'll have to deal with that lamewad later."

"It looks like it."

LM murmured something and Cake nodded. "Yeah, we should get home."

Lord Monochromicorn really wanted to go home. In fact, he had wanted to duck out of this death wish that Cake called a date for hours. He liked Cake and all, and it was her birthday, but the night wasn't worth dying over. Between almost getting murdered in the restaurant, being chased by the dragon, the hurricane, battling zombie squirrels, and the love triangle between Fionna, Marshall Lee, and Prince Gumball (the love triangle that was apparently only obvious to him) he was beginning to consider this one of the most bizarre nights of his life. An annoyed huff escaped him and he turned to allow everyone on his back. He imagined a cab driver opening the door to his taxi.

Heavy with fatigue, LM had a hard time getting off the ground with everyone on his back, but he eventually managed to take off. It was a long journey home so he went slowly. One by one members of the group began to fall asleep on his back. He felt Cake snuggle into his mane, and the anger inside him melted away. It wasn't really her fault anyways. Just a really weird night.

An hour went by. The thunder and lightning had stopped completely, as did the rain. It seemed that the rest of the night would be spent in silence, until Fionna shot up from her nap with a startled look.

"Oh my glob!" She shouted. With a kick and a smack she awoke Marshall and Gumball. The vampire hissed and Gumball murmured unhappily. Cake snored soundly near the base of LM's head, but Fionna didn't want her to wake yet.

"What?" Marshall's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Don't tell me. Is it a flying wooly mammoth that shoots laser beams? That seems more like a second double date thing to me, don't you think?"

"We totally didn't sing Cake Happy Birthday!"

Both young men burst into a series of angry complaints. Gumball murmured something about "a long night" and Marshall threatened Fionna with execution by bass guitar if she mentioned the word "birthday" again. Fionna had never seen them agree so vehemently on a topic before.

Her eyes grew twice their normal size into giant, blue, glittering orbs that filled with fake tears.

"Fionna," Marshall groaned in exasperation.

"You know I hate when you do that." Gumball sighed.

Her eyes grew bigger. Cuter. She crawled over to her friends with a quivering lip, hands clasped in front of her.

"Maybe tomorrow," Gumball offered.

"Or never." Marshall glared at him. "Don't give in so easily."

Fionna inched closer to them and began to cry. She didn't say anything, but her fake sobs spoke for themselves. They glanced at each other uncomfortably. After that it didn't take long for both of them to give in.

Cake was in a deep slumber, and she usually hated being woken up prematurely. Her first instinct was to scratch, but she knew that song well. She had been dreaming of it all night. The sweet melody flooding across a table of spaghetti and wine in a fancy restaurant as LM's mane tickled her back. Oh, she knew the song well.

When her vision focused it wasn't exactly the scene she'd dreamed of, but it still brought tears of joy to her eyes. Fionna excitedly led a rendition of Happy Birthday in her sweet voice, with Marshall Lee and Gumball backing her up (with less enthusiasm). The vampire was kind of mumbling the words and Gumball seemed embarrassed, but they were singing nonetheless. LM even tried to add his own voice into the performance.

When it ended, the cat leapt into her sister's arms and kissed her cheek. "Oh Fionna. This was a horrible birthday."

"I know Cake. Let's go home."

And home they went.

* * *

**One more chapter to go **


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